I am so new to this personal statement thingy so please forgive me it if is lousy! Certainly requires cracking of the head to come up with.
As a young child I used to religiously complete all the model kits that my dad brought home. I often skipped meals and sacrificed sleep just to get the kits done up. It was then that I realized that I am an extremely determined person and it this value which I have that has certainly served me well. This is also what makes me a unique human being.
I recall an incident during my stint as a police officer, where I had to go after an illegal immigrant who was escaping from my colleague and me. I did not give up the chase even after my colleague has done so. This eventually led to the successful arrest of said subject which gave me immense pride. Determination has also allowed me to stay awake during night shifts and stay vigilant to any crime happenings.
It is also part of my character that I do not like to leave things undone. Whatever work that I have started I will make sure I complete it. It is this drive that led to me being appointed class chairman in my junior college. It is also natural that I am usually the driving force behind projects, dedicating work, contacting team members and making sure deadlines are met and work gets done.
Thus, I feel that the determination that I possess will serve me well in the working world and help me to complete the various tasks that are set out for me to do.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
This is a good effort, Ken Jie. You give lots of specific info to support the focus of this statement, your determination. The various examples make that clear.
ReplyDeleteThere is one minor sentence structure problem:
x) behind projects; dedicating work, >>> behind projects, dedicating work,
Thanks for your effort!
Hi Ken jie,
ReplyDeleteI find that your personal statement tells your audience alot about youself. The examples you gave were concrete and clear. Even though it's just a short essay, i realised i've learned quite a fair bit about your character and experiences.
I may sound like i'm trying to pick a bone out of an egg, so just bear with me!
For para 1, I feel that it may sound better if you write "value that i cultivated since young.." rather than "value that i have" because it sounds like a natural occurrence to have the characteristic.
For para 2, the experience about nabbing the illegal immigrant was excellent in portraying your point. It could be further elaborated by adding that determination led you to do the best in whatever you are doing, thus you gave your best effort in the chase. I guess it will allow your potential employer to relate the story to how you can contribute to the company.
Dear Brad,
ReplyDeleteThanks for your positive feedback! It warms my heart that my effort has not gone to waste. Haha! I have made the changes thanks for pointing them out.
Regards,
Ken Jie
Dear Evonne,
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comments. Haha no hard feelings there. I liked the way you put it, "pick a bone out of an egg". it certainly made me laugh!
For para1, I was trying to convey the idea that I had the value at that moment. Hmm confused now too. Any other suggestions?
For para 2, I wished to do that but there is the restricting word count and also I may sound cliche or boring if I did not pull that off properly! Haha.
Hi Ken Jie,
ReplyDeletefor para 1, i guess you can write something like "It was the value of determination that i possess, that shaped me to become determined in things that i do".
Ah, i think the word "shape" can help explain how the value change your personality to make you unique.
hope this helps. i'm not really good at this as well :)
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHey Ken Jie,
ReplyDeleteNothing to forgive, so don't worry :) I'm also not experienced with personal statements, so I sincerely hope that my evaluation of yours is correct.
For your paragraph 1, Evonne's suggestion is good and clear to read. Otherwise, you could also write something like, 'It was then that I realized that I am an extremely determined person and it is this value which I have that has served me well', with the overall sentence structure remaining the same.
As for paragraph 2, I feel that elaboration to make a really good PS beats keeping within the word limit hands down. (I'm not sure what Brad would say though :D) Haha, I have the same problem with word limits for my own post.
All the best for your last drafts and see you in class!
-Abigail-
Dear Abby and Evonne,
ReplyDeleteThank you all for the constructive feedback! See you in class Abby!
Regards :-)